Open Letter to the Food Industry

Dear food company executive nincompoops,

Prices go up.  We, your fat and sassy customers, know this.  It never goes down.  Not for long, anyway.  We know this, too.  As citizens of the fattest nation anywhere, anywhen we’ve eaten a lot and we know what tastes good.  We’re experts.  We also know when you’re yanking our chain.

It was bad enough when the Consumerist shone their hypocrisy exposing light on your shrink ray.  We thought you’d get the fucking message.  But no.  Your ears are apparently full of all that ice cream that’s not sold in half-gallons anymore.  Allow me to say this one more time.  ICE CREAM IS SOLD IN HALF-GALLONS YOU TERMINALLY RETARDED, SHIT-FOR-BRAINS JACK ASSES.  We know it got more expensive.  Just raise the fucking price like everyone else.

Today, you short bus riding twits, my uber-healthy microwave lunch tasted like crap.  It didn’t used to taste like crap.  It used to be edible.  But now, crap.  I imagine the price of basil went up a whopping 2 cents per bushel or something like that and it made the bean counters’ knees jerk too hard.  So the old men in the ivory tower just decided to leave the basil out and put feces in.  Because us food experts won’t notice.  Great move.

You inbreds in the food industry suck.


Fuck you.

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0 Responses to Open Letter to the Food Industry

  1. Nichole Mathis says:

    Damn straight. Forward this on to the fuckers at the basil industry, too.