Idiot Cyclists

Most days I don’t get to ride the bike until after sunset. I rarely see other cyclists out at this time. But when I’m out and about during the day, either in the car or on the bike, I frequently see people on their bicycles. And they all seem to have one thing in common – they’re fucking idiots. Here are some examples:

A few weeks ago I was driving the car over to Christie’s office and playing my favorite around town game – count the idiot cyclists. Two or three on the sidewalk, one riding against traffic through an intersection, and one (count ’em, one) on the right side of the street to the right of the lane. Holy cow! Someone who has a clue! For a second or two, anyway. There were plenty of cars driving on the street and the cyclist was approaching a line of cars parked along the curb. Did he signal and take the lane? Nooooo. He stopped the bike, got off, pulled it up onto the sidewalk and started riding. Fuck.

Two nights ago, out for a ride on some unfamiliar roads, I passed a teenager on a BMX or downhill bike or something equally worthless. He was riding aimlessly back and forth across the street. A mile later I hit a dead end and turned around. Coming back down the hill I saw him again. Figure eights. My headlight was on and he was facing me at least a few times during my decent, but I don’t trust this wanker so I called out “On your left!” No response from the drooler. I hit my brakes (the front squeals pretty loud) to give myself a bit more wiggle room. No response, and by this time he’s making a left across my path without looking. “ON YOUR FUCKING LEFT!” That did it. He stopped dead and looked at me like I was a UFO or a circus freak or some such. No lights, no reflectors, no helmet, black bike and the requisite angst inspiring black clothing. This kid’s looking to win a Darwin award.

My favorite encounter was with someone very similar to the BMXer above. I was riding along a nearby street that happens to have entire blocks without street lights. So the headlight was on, as always, and I was on the right near the curb, as usual. (My headlight isn’t like a car’s headlight. It does help to see a bit, but it’s mainly there so others can see me. It’s visible from several hundred feet away, at least.) All of a sudden he was right there in front of me. I had like ten feet to react and dodge this asshole. Once again, no lights, no reflectors. The part that really made me mad was the fact that he never bothered to call out, or to move to the right, or nothing. He kept on coming with no warning at all on the wrong side of the road. I said “Your other right” as we passed each other. He stopped breathing through his mouth long enough to let out a confused “Huh?”

I’m really starting to hate cyclists.

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2 Responses to Idiot Cyclists

  1. knarf says:

    Maybe they were all messengers…


  2. admin says:

    We don’t have a bike messenger service around here. Chances are, they were Fakengers. 🙂